Before I start I would like to point out that this is more or less a collection on suggestion based on personal experiences and with a doubt none of a ‘I told you so’.
As we grow (some of us faster then others) slowly into parenthood we notice along the way that not everything that’s so normal for the one is seen the same by the other.
One of the first side effects the new Parenting-role brings with it is that we will learn very quickly that some roads we’ve been walking a long for a long (or short time) with friends together are turning into two way streets. Which in the best situation still run next to each other but in the worst case split completely and go eventually separate directions.
The choice been made by the one or the other.

Perhaps the simple case of ‘lack of Acknowledgement’ is dressing the table and most of the time the new life situation is not only hard to learn for the parent but also (and even more) for the friend. A simple reminder aka little explanation can bring a lot of light to the dark and avoid the abandoning. Saying the “obvious” might just fix it. It all could be so easy.

Why not let’s just assume in the heart we are all good and curious about learning something new. Here are a few things that come to my mind the longer i think about the all above;
And so it goes..

 

1. Get involved!

A little while back we had my partners dad and his new girlfriend over for a visit. By that time we where the parents of a 15month old and a 2month old.
A lovely age, the two are the love of our life’s and I never felt as grounded before.

This still can mean that it isn’t always easy to juggle the needs of both of them as well as being a good Housewife who can take care of the cooking, cleaning, washing, playing, feeding and fresh bump cleaning as well as featuring good looking girlfriend.
But i do my best.
And i bloody love it!
The chaos and all it comes with our family life. In the same way do i quite understand that for someone more outstanding than us it might seem a bit crazy. Maybe a bit too dirty or too loud. I never quite now as for me its not quite easy to jump in others peoples mind. But lets take a look closer on the visit of my Partners parents.

Two really lovely people. Who are strong members to a one of a kind generation. When you go to there house and will find that everything you every need is provided.
All the meals from the minute of your arrival to the last second of supper at your departure will be planed ahead and it is there pleasure to do so. They are proud to sever you the things they made from scratch, with there own hands and with so much heart. Of course, who wouldn’t.
Even more was it quite exiting to welcome the two at our home. Share with them what we have to offer, experience a quality family time.
But i have to admit, after a few days of cooking, cleaning, cooking and more cleaning, between preparing for more cooking whilst looking after my babies thook my breath. I was simply exhausted. It even frustrated me after a few days that they couldn’t even just clean there cups and plates after the breakfast while i was busy drying the bathroom floor, bathroom walls and my son after my son had flood it the hole lot, or that they sit on the couch and waited for dinner instead of setting the table for dinner while i was bussy comforting my daughter who had a lot of trouble the first 3 Month (and 2 weeks) with her 3-Month-Baby-Colic. It was a real taffy on me, the fact that they wouldn’t get involved but also that i couldn’t get all done at once.
If they would have visit us before the kids or in a few years once everyone is grown out of nappies and on its on then sure it would all been ok to handle but, and here is my point nummero uno, when there are so young kids in the house don’t shame yourself and get your hands on. Set the table, dry the dishes, make a coffee or play a bit with the kids while Mama is doing so. What ever you is you can do to relieve the host and even give yourself a better time, do it. You’ll see it will also have a lot of benefits for you.
Being a parent of a young kid is a full on full time job now imagine you have to juggle two jobs at once, any help that would come along you would appreciate. And you never know, one day you might switch seats…

2. Please don’t swear.

Yes here i am. One of these Mothers who is asking to please do not to swear in front of children. And yes only a few years back i cursed the Sh*t out of all and everything, it was really heard for my partner and me to learn so especially in some situations where we made hols sentences out of F**k. But lets stay focus here and see what it is. See the big round eyes of the cute little 2 Year old how stands in front of you holding its favorite teddy in one hand and his pacifier in the outer and says “Fuck”. It just doesn’t belong here. And if we can do our part to spear these little innocent souls the way of brutal reality a little longer in the way of just not saying the bad things in front of them then lets do so. And if you really can’t than how about Duck It! Duck the Duck up. As a Ducking plan B.

3. Call your friend.

Now on this point i get a bit emotional myself. Its like i wanna lye down on a couch and hug a pillow whilst writing this. I am a very emotional and touchy personality but i can also jump very quick back into my hard ass face facet so just barer with me.

-Breez-
Becoming a Mom is a very important and challenging time in every Woman’s life. We are hearing this a lot from pretty much everyone who hast been there or heard about, from other woman who have been there. Which means each one of us grow real quick into that certain amount of balls that is needed to face that reality.
That this reality  on the other hand is already starting while you are pregnant is something i didn’t see coming and haven’t been told.

As the first Mam-to-be in my closest friends cycle i felt pretty alone with the hole situation. Sure everyone was mega happy about the news of our unborn ball of joy and send all the best but what fallowed after was just a big long blur of loneliness.
Not only because of the changes that where going through my body day by day that i couldn’t share with one or the huge amount of hormones that would rise and drop my mental state from over the rainbow to welcome in hell within seconds and i couldn’t cry or laugh out on one but simply also because they wouldn’t call. The times we spoke was because i insistently called day after day till i would reach them.
My best friend who is living overseas called my in my first pregnancy exact 3 Times! Yes i understand everyone has there own life but i really missed my friends and felt so scared and alone.

I still miss them a lot but with the actual baby in my arms i started to change the way of thinking and hoping on them and began looking for other Mamas with cute little babies and began to spend my time with them. Something that i tried already before but did hurt to much in the first place and now I’m loving so much more. It was a great decision to try out and it gave a big healing to my soul. I quick learned that i wasn’t the only Mama that felt lonely from time to time and also netted a friend to talk to.

For some reason we think that when a woman is growing into her new role as a to-be-mama the old non-parent friends are not there anymore. Life couldn’t be more different from each other. One drinks, the other don’t. One parties, the other don’t. One has on and off relationships the other don’t. And yes while all the above is so true; one still loves and the other too.

4.Please Don’t Smoke.

I know, i know, this is something that we all should naturally avoid. In a perfect world we simpy wouldn’t need to talk about it. But the sad truth is we do!

Out there the reality hits hard and is ongoing with situations like this;

-two kids sitting on a bench, eating ice cream in front of a ice-cream store. Young man walks up, takes the seat in between the two kids and lights up a cigarette.
As he is ask to move away from the Kids he gets quite aggressive and tells you that ‘he is outside and can smoke where he wants.’

– Summer in Berlin. A Waterplayground at the Tierpark Berlin surrounded by a long cycle bench full of kids and parents watching there kids. .Right in between the crowed two Man and a Woman with beers and cigarettes. (No matter the fact that there is a Beergarden 15m away from them) All 3 of them smoking almost constantly while about 50 kids between the age of 0-3 years playing around them in the water and (lets assume it is the grandchild of the smoking older woman) sits right next to them.

-France playground on a nice sunny day. A handful of parents have made there way to the ground to watch there kids having a great time. Shortly after a woman and her friend arrive with two younger kids at the age of around 3. While one of the mothers is staying at the buggy the other is stepping behind the swing and lights up a cigarette. As the son ask the mother to push him on the swing she let him know that “Mama has to finish her cigarette (on the playground) first”.

-Berlin, first day of spring. A wonderful big and green playground am Nölnerplatz. This one is in fact one of our favorites as it has to offer so many exiting things, is protected by a fence and marks outside the gate clearly what isn’t welcome here. Such as alcohol, cigarettes and so on.
It is 4:30pm and the playground is on its peak. Right in there a woman on the bench in her late 40ties with a friend, lighting up her cigarette. As she is been ask to take it outside the lady gets quite aggressive, tells you to relax, that she is coming to this playground for almost 10 years and that it is her hood. She marks the accent of the person who is asking her to take it outside and tells them to go back to there own country if they don’t like it. Like cause you have an accent you have no right to know that smoking on a playground is a no go!

 

Aaaaand so it goes! The list is never ending and i could go on and on and on about shocking examples of ignorant ‘Grown-ups’ who simply can not control themselves and having higher priorities to there addiction of smoking as the health of young unprotected children. And don’t forget always the same bull shit arguments;

-i am outside
-i can smoke where i want
-my parents also smoked in front of me and it didn’t effect me
-who are you with your foreign accent
-these are my children i can do with them what i want.
-that little smoke wont harm them

…..and so damn bullshit on!

But here is a true fact, beside all our Morals where we shouldn’t have to smoke in front of your children, it is illegal! Children should not smoke. Not even passive or as they call it second-hand! There even is a law that prevents them to not smoke till the age of 16teen (in Germany).
What happen to you in life that you have become so ignorant towards the hole effects of smoking? And don’t tell me there aren’t any effects, cause if, you simply wouldn’t smoke!

And if your parents smoked in front of you then you are the perfect example that it made you addicted to it and grow you into THAT next generation smoker straight up!

And if you tell me that you don’t have any problems from it and can quite any day then i tell you BULLSHIT! I know exactly you are lying and thinking about quitting all the times but you are simply not strong enough to do so and feeling guilty when you light up a cigarette first thing in the morning! And so instead of agreeing to your addiction you blame innocent children to simply be not outside if there are smoker, to have no right to eat smoking free ice cream on a bench or in a cafe cause they cant handle your smoke!!?
Shame on you!
Perhaps instead of fighting the children why don’t you take a closer look at yourself and ask why you can and shouldn’t smoke. Start looking for help before you die a painful long death of lung cancer (yes mate, this is a real thing!!)

But most of all do what ever the duck you want, just don’t do it in front and/or next to bloody young innocent children Mate!

 

Children are learning by example and we all have the magic to teach them the best of us. Help yourself by helping the children and make the world a better place. ❤

 

 

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