Lets be honest, being a mother, becoming a mother has been one of the scariest things in my life. Neither the nine month of preparation, the books, the tutorials, the advises i soaked before have made me feel any more confident towards it. I have been freaking out on constant daily bases… What if ..? But as i was collecting so much informations regards it i also found out that this was a normal way of feeling and calmly, that i wasn’t the only scared going-to-be-mom out there.

And then it all goes so quick, you prepare and you imaging, you dream all about how its going to be and BAM you are in labour and the next thing (after a period of decent pain) you end up with this incredible tiny little human in your arms. And you forget all about it. The pain from just minutes before, the doubt, the thoughts, and the worry if you gonna be a good mom. You just are!

Your instincts are taking over and all of a sudden there is all this love you have to give, the room is full of magic and you are millions of thoughts away from doubting that this isn’t going to work. After all its a tiny little you snuggling up to you and the only thing its grateful for is YOU.

And so it goes, eventually you and your little package of cuddles and love are coming home together and you two are working out ow it needs to go from here. The magic will leave the house eventually and whats left is a house full of a family, love, proudness and taff times that only make you stronger as a team.

You have your highs and YES, you have your downs. And no matter how dark some night seem, when you crying in the corner all by yourself cause you little one won’t sleep and woke crying the 4th time in 2 hours and your husband is snoring so loud they the hole home is vibrating and you are so tired that you just wanna hit your head agains that wall even then there is an end to it. A sun that will rise and a baby that will sleep and give you some rest eventually. A few month after this you are a master in your field and know exactly how to feed and what to do in the dark that those little wakies are just a brief moment and within minutes you all are back to snoozland.

-This is, as you may have figured by now, how it went for us.- And this is also how it went for us before the teething, ouuu the bloody evil teething hit our little world.

From forums and reports of other moms i know by now that there are these kids that hardly have any troubles with it. Some poo them out, some have a little outchie and then there are those (and yes my baby is one of those) who really deeply suffer under it. I mean not just a little winch with every new one but the hole sick to its bones, fever, runny nose and just feeling off all around. -Thats the daytime.

Worst it gets by night. He just wakes up screaming so hard he can hardly breath. It so strong he is in pain his voice is all high-pitch. And we never get to hear this on until only..He is in so much pain that he is curving, he is pushing he is punching, he is holding all at the same time. You try to keep up with such when it is midnight and a minute ago you been dreaming about that vacation in Bali holding a bintang whilst watching the sunset on the beach.

So yes, here you have it, teething is a real thing at our house at the moment and we all are a bit run down from the little sleep we get these days. And since all the teeth now coming one after another this has been a state of mind for the past almost two month.

As there are the highs to everything especially this week has been the most challenging one since we came home after the birth. He is next week a year old and on top of this is finding it quite interesting at the moment to check his boundaries. And as sweet as he can be,  this he likes to test really hard when it comes to a diaper change. I can’t be angry and get it, he is a summer child and loves to be in the warm and naked all the time. Nappies and clothes are the compete opposite but since we are living in Berlin and winter is real it has become a routine to get these onto him without a fight.      Now imagine this when your kid is also covered in poo and now he kicks and screams and tries to turn and escape from his hardest. -Aaand i have tried all sorts of techniques! I have been singing, playing, giving him toys, new toys old toys, i got him involved to pick up the fresh diaper, tried him standing, sitting, in the bathtub but nothing has bought us any change when it comes to his reaction. As soon as you get started, he gets. And this week, we woke up every single morning with this kid covered in his own poo. You think i’m perhaps not doing a great job in putting them on in the first place, and yes at some point i was doubting it too but after even a little research there i can assure you i am putting them on in the right way.

Oh i am just so exhaust by now. It is now friday and we have the 5th washing of the week running with his dirty laundry, a morning with fighting and preventing him from smooching his excrements all over the place and a night of perhaps max 2 hours constant sleep.  The fact that i am now in my third trimester of my second pregnancy is not doing me any easier. Last night i found myself in that dark corner of the room again, crying and waiting it to be over and for the sun to come up.

The good thing is i know this is just a phase and things will pass. Love is still around and we have so much fun on other things together. We will grow stronger out of this. I just have to keep focusing on it and keep writing it here to myself to let it all out.

After all everything is always better in the end and if its not, then its not the end.

xx