Not so long ago i came across an article about growing apart from a best friend. i was in particular very interested in it as such a thing never happen to me, or lets say never happen to me in a conscious dramatic way like girl and boy breaking up – the best-girlfriend-breakup never happen to me and so i was very curious on how such a thing one person is experience and also dealing with it. with the help of this article and my own imagination i thought i might come feeling-wise very close to the ones you had with an old boyfriend. After all your heart must be broken must’n it? -it must.

Sadly the run on my non-experince had to end this year and so i was now also becoming one member of ‘the Club of divorced besties.’

Saying so, looking back on the last years i could not tell that this would happen to us. Ever.

It was one of these magical connection-at-first-sight- friendships.  We met one day in a Bar in Melbourne. She was your friendly Bartender with a smile, i was the customer with a passion for tequila. Sortly after the hello we hit on our first funny conversation, found our passion for bikes and also realised that the both of us having a german background. It was a great night at this bar and a lot of fun going back to the bar to order more drinks for my friends and me. At some point it was time to leave and so we did.

It was only until a year and a half later as we would meet again. This time it was at my bar. I was the working Bartender and she the guest. Her Aunty was here for a visit from Switzerland and it happen to be that on of her friends was on of my waitress and so we all ended up at dinnertime at this one particular place that one wednesday night.

We recognised each other straight away and the excitement was once again big on both sides.

This time we would make sure not to lose track of each other again. And from there it was it, we where thigh as sisters who loved to spend there free time together, called each other daily; around the clock and to the most deadliest hours when life came down. We went to the festivals and had the best experience together E.V.E.R., danced, laughed, tripped, came down, created new project, went on trips, spend each others bithdayweeks, connected each others friend cycles,  even worked together from time to time.

Life was Bloody-Oh-Good!

And than BAM with the mail came the massage that i have lost my Visa and the right to stay in Australia. It was pretty unexpected ai i worked with a migration lawyer on this and no one saw this coming. So out of the blue I had 28 days to pack down and clean out 6 years of living. 28 days to minimalize my house and household to vanish everything i earned and worked for till it would fit in a small suitcase of 18 kg that would fit with me on the plane to fuck-don’t-care. But all the loss of  materials  wouldn’t matter as much as the fact that i had to say ‘auf wiedersehen’ to my dear friend who i have so madly fallen in sistermance with.

Of course we would promise us a world full of catch ups and stay-in-touchies before i would finally depart. And for a good year things went well the way we promised. Skype was now our new best team buddy and all 3 of us would spend a lot of time together. We even met a few month later for christmas in thailand and celebrated the full moon in its most kohphangnan style. Connections where tight and everything still felt the same way we once left them behind. we returned back to our homes and believed things between us would never change. At least so i did.

 

And then there was it, the moment where things started to turn. I can exactly nail it down to a moment. One day we where both on Skype honest and in tears over missing each other the next month we where texting and response wasn’t coming anymore. Mails got shorter and shorter and whats app reduced to a few text avery few month. The skye club was closed by now.

My partner kept telling me that his is  the way things go, from the eye from the heart but me the eternal believer couldn’t agree on this thought and so i kept telling myself that she is just busy with life.

Two weeks ago i got my final wake up call. She was here for a visit and i was sooo excited to see her. Even tho i have to be honest things went a bit strange the way communecation now went related to the no-response over the past month. I couldn’t let go of my happiness as i usually would have and i felt like there was something holding her back too.  The fact that she would stay with other friends and we wouldn’t ge to see her till the 3rd day dint really help to feel better about it. But then there it was, the first catch up after a  year and a half. She was two and a half hours late and i was already in tears, devastated over the loss of my true friendship and ready to leave the house when the door bell rang. It was such a strange feeling when we finally meet. we hugged but it all felt so wrong. We spend a few hours together and hope that we would get over this was big and strong but the next days would clear that there wasn’t a ‘old’ connection left. She only made a few hours time and mostly there where other people involved, we never got the time to us. It was frustrating and disappointing and when we talked about it i realised that this wasn’t what she had in mind or need.  As much lovely as a person she is i realised than that it was time to let go and give her the freedom she was asking for. It truly was not easy and when i think about her now i only remember the friend i spend my best summer in melbourne with and the love i have for this summer for her in my heart. I feel like this is only where i should leave her, in the past, in my memories, blessed with all the love towards her.

There is no blame for changing and growing and instead of seeing the things we miss we should remember the good times we once shared and look forward to new good times with new good people in new good places and live on.