Today i had a little friendly Whatsapp reminder form my bestie about my upcoming 30th birthday. Aaand right there i realised how Not-so-Much-ohh this birthday was a big deal. I mean lets all get back in time here, walk with me along memory lane and try to remember how big of a deal your tenth birthday was. How grown, cool and proud you felt.

I got that very birthday my very own very first Sony walkman yeah and felt as cool as f**k. From now on i could walk along the streets with my headphones on an listen to the Lion king on my way to school. Hakuna Matata’s blasting along streets over and over again. i would finally make it past side A and listen what happen on side B as before my walkman-life i would always fall asleep listen to the tape on my tape player  which i shared with my older sister.

But lets move on. The next big thing was the 13teen. Time, nature and my body had made a huge jump and here i was hanging with the teenage mutant inside of me, evolved to its unhappiest of me and confused to a never ending. But it was ok as i didn’t know it any better and turning 13 seemed now to fit with how i felt. I got my nose pierced and smoked my first cigaret. Yep looking now back i will of course agree that this had been too little too early and without excuse this just is how little small town girl grew quickly grew into small-town boredom.

For three years i hang in there, had trouble, made trouble, was trouble. My parents hit there borders and so did i. Life went on.

Then there was my big 16teen. Here i could now officially drink beer and wine on my own party. No matter that we all been trying theses things before but now it was officially ok. The time of anxious hoping to not be ID’ed at the check out was over and my parents could chill out a fair bit since i wasn’t doing so many illegal things anymore. With 16 you could get also now get into the club. Id said you had to leave by midnight but really, once you where in who would care.

It was a great time of my life, so many lessons had been learned on all different levels. Great friendships been build, no so great ones lost, first boyfriends been made, first boyfriends been lost. The heart was broken, the heart was healed. middle school was over and direction workforce a bit closer.

But the big goal right in front was shining light at the brightest star. My ticket to the final freedom and the never ending amount of decisions from then on on me. The big 18!

Oh how i have been hearing about this one for years. When the shit was burning and control hit the fence all they would say was ‘Once you’re 18 you can do what ever you like to do’ or ‘as long as you’re not 18 you have to do how i tell you so’ also related to ‘as long as you keep your feet under my table …’ -so can i move out then?- ‘When you’re 18!’ The world around me really knew how to sell me this one and i can never forget the feelings of happiness, the upcoming proudness in my chest i felt when i hit the big 18!

After this high the years when on and there wasn’t much of excitement left when it came to my birthdays. I was happy to have my freedom and made the most out of it. I moved to Munich where i start to study Art. I worked in a 24hour internet cafe right at the Centre Station where i started, thanks to all the foreigners to improve my English. I met so many different people form all over the world, all traveling and full of positive energies. I made friends with a big group of Australians who stayed in Munich for a good while and after 2 years of spending time and falling in love with them i decided to go and see Australia myself. I moved to Melbourne and i loved it. I found a great job in a bar with a great team. That kind of team you hang out with on your days off. We where up to 3o-someting staff members and so it never was boring or got too much. It was a home.  And so i spend a few birthdays there and it was only till my 25th birthday when it started to matter again.

Here i was turning 25 and still working in a Bar. You must know that working in a bar in Australia you mostlkely do only while you are a student or travel. Well i had been by then in this bar for 3 1/2 years and in barflies life’s this was an eternity.                                               It happen a lot that people i worked with in the first years quit, moved on and came for a visit some time later by. The reaction was always the ‘you still working here?’ -one. Sure no one had the intentions to hurt or kick down my ego but to myself i felt the disappointment of not doing more with my life. The pressure was building up. And so right on my 25th birthday i hit the mid-twenties-crisis. I put all this pressure on myself of becoming more even so i was working hard in a country with a different mothertounge. Over the past years i received 3 promotions and was by then one of the managers in this place but to me that didn’t matter. All i would see was being 25 and still working in that Bar. Looking back now i understand that i had been a good amount on melodramatic but in the same way this helped me to move forward towards a new direction.

I signed up for a professional writher course, i saved a heap of cash and decided i would turn into a new direction. Once i finished the course i traveled around the continent and filmed and photographed with all my passion. New projects where born. I was still working in that Bar for a while as i needed to finance my new choices and life but i knew if i keep going this direction eventually i would not just work in a Bar anymore.

And so it goes, i escaped my own little crises and moved on from the last big birthday that dramatically mattered. Ever since the pressure is gone. I keep doing what i can do best, what i love. I learned that as long as i keep giving my best about the things i really love the negativity will stay away and melodrama won’t come for a visit.Sure there are always reality checks here and there but there is no crisis no more.

And so here i am turning 30 in a few weeks and realising how Not-so -Much-ooh this is a big deal.